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1. |
The Weight
01:28
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Black Dogs and Black Dooms
Are all so very alike
They only have a taste
For the darkest of blood
But what sickens me most
Are all you bags of bones
On the road to ruin
With your token allegorical knives in hand
I’m growing restless for life
But you keep preaching the end of it
You take slow burns for rope burn
Looking for a neck
So why don’t you keep
Your faces pressed firmly west
And see me stand red-drawn
Against your miserable black
Fuck your hopelessness
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2. |
The Violence
01:06
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I’m a highly specialised body of misery
Rendered sick by its own conditioned want for some normalcy
I’ve been spiralling down
With a head full of savagery
Stooping down so low
I’ve got Depression scared to catch me
I’m waxing and waning
To keep myself sane and
I hurt for the silence
But my silence is violent
I’ve got scars on my hands from your sharp tongues rattling
I’ve grown stoic in my speech from those long years spent silently struggling
But I’ve got these stabs of anger
Tearing against the walls of my skull
That compel me to live and rise
Like a tide full of fury
Watch me rise from every grave
Except the one bodily
Make me burn
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3. |
The Slit
01:31
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I’m feeling like a mess
Too big for my own skin
And people keep crawling
And pushing their way in
I’m growing ever more inward
I’m bending back on myself
I’m trying to vacate my head
I don’t need you moving in
You keep talking in circles
That I’m mad enough to break
How I’d love to grab you by the jaw
And put a hammer to it
And the sight of those lips
Peeling back from your teeth
Is enough to tense me up right now
I can’t even pretend it doesn’t
(Stop leaning on me)
So how about we don’t play the social thing?
(Stop clinging to my skin)
I’ve become vicious in my reticence
(Stop weighing me down)
Implacable, I’m the same to friends and enemies
(I’m not letting you in)
We really don’t need to have a talk
So leave me to my silence
I leave you to your peace, don’t I?
And let’s put to death this weak exchange of meaningless formalities
Would you rather have me fall off?
Or would you rather have me fall out?
Either way, I’m curious to see which gets more damage done
So here’s the skeleton truth, I wrote this song about you
And all the things your selfish ass expects me to do
You better make up your mind, cause I’m about to cut ties:
Are we saying goodbye or just putting us on ice?
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4. |
The Rift
01:31
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I find solace in reclusion
Because people wear me out
Their lamenting and opinions
They numb me fucking down
I start looking for the exits
When they start running their mouths
Want you around
I don’t want you around
Don’t point your finger at me
Spare me your stories
I’ve heard them all before
I am not wearing any blinders
And I won’t be force-fed no more
I’ll stick to my own ballad
And I know no regret
So quit your fucking preaching
I already forgot what you said
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5. |
The Plea
01:34
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I’ve been drowning in days, but I still lack the time
To find some peace in this war of a mind
And whatever bit of bliss I catch, I lose with ease
Cause I’ve seen the Hurt and the Doubt and the worst of these
Bound a slave to this pitiless grey
Everything just seems to taste of disgust and blandness
When the Angst burns and raves at the end of the day
I’d do anything to keep these other bodies at bay
You’d be surprised to see, what with an idle mind
I can come up with lies and excuses to safely cower behind
I know the blows of fate should make me turn to faith
And that the blows of love ought to make me turn to hate
But I’ve painted my tongue black with the taste of despair
And now the lust for life just seems an acquired taste
I won’t bind myself a willing slave
To the youth that I have lost
To the fortune I know not
To the hope that never shone
On this stack of bricks I used to call my home
Beckon me back
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6. |
The Drudge
03:27
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Viciously viscous
This is just dragging on
Burnt up and frustrated
A preying cycle, lifelong
Dreams now mere wishes
Wishes mere pocketed stones
Sequestered ambitions
That do my head in
This modern endemic
Contrived to seel
A swallowing hollow
That festers in me
So violently inert
I take my despair sitting down
Because with every step I take
I tread my shadow into the dirt
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7. |
The Blade
01:31
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If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride
But if my tongue were unbound, I’d hold your head under and drown you in spite
If my angst had an edge, then I’d cut you with it
But my passion’s ablaze, and I’ll burn you with it
For far too long have I been dragging this shadow behind me
Riddled with guilt and heavy with sleep
Given the cup, I’ve been drowning in half-light
And I’ve been wrecking my body on a levee of bones
How vain to me these hours of ease
And how fucking stifling this apathy
Etched from distance and shrouded in coldness
There’s a difference between Me and who I could have been
Cause once, when I hated, I made it fucking follow
And when I loved, I made it wholly consume
My name still spells Vengeance but I wear it with fear now
Desperately holding in the violence as my temper frays
Cause when the Sickness strikes and the Restlessness bays
I feel constrained to commit to my youthful ways
Sentenced a Judas to my very own skin
I feel the lingering Madness of it slipping in
But if there can only be a God in the face of a Devil
Then you can keep your comfort and bring in the nightmares
Born with the anger to burn through them all
I’d rather come undone than end up in thrall again
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8. |
The Estrangement
01:11
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The ones that hurt but seldom cower
I will never fail to recognise
The tragic youth at once I know
By the callousness that dulls their eyes
And as the drudge for our daily bread
Bends all these swaying bodies down
Drag’s respite sounds gruff and shrill
Drinking in the oblivion with a will
(As for me)
I fear no fate nor want a world
My senses have grown dull
I roam these streets for want of want
And my head is always full
On sleepless beds I lie
To terrors wide awake
With the pallor of a body laid so bare
Until the downbeat makes it break
I lose a day with every sunset
And the dread creeps in with every rise
But these eyes do not reflect your anguish
(I cannot sympathise)
There’s enough place on the face of this earth for two bodies to burn
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9. |
The Cull
01:04
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Dragging through the overpromise
Raised on petty bourgeois tyranny
Deadened by the ebb inside
You got yourself caught in the blight
Sold short as a martyr to their bad intentions
You’ve been pushing against wedges from the tapered end
But you’re stuck like the bad memories hammered into your head
You’ve got their words stuck in your throat
And it’s getting hard to swallow more
But spitting out your own will only make things worse
So you whisper through your teeth at night
Trying to get them off your chest
And now the frustration fucks with your head
With its teeth of upset digging deep into your chest
Be the thunder in their better weather
Spell their names as Enemy
Be the salt in all their cuts
And meet their pain with apathy
Stomach defeat
Only rue the regret
Put an end to those rats
With spite on your breath
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10. |
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You made the silence toll louder than your knell
Marking the descent into your personal hell
With black sleep, fever dreams and the nightmares woken up
And when the Winter crept in, it poisoned your blood
With thunder and lightning raging under your skin
Your lips didn’t once part for what your eyes were glinting
With a quick drop and a sudden stop, you hung more than your head
To claim the perpetual cold of your Christian bed
I never shed a tear for the flesh and the bones
Of that unknown man in my father’s clothes
And now I hurt for a pain that bites and stings
Instead of this chronic grief that slowly sinks in
“I sometimes hold it half a sin
To put in words the grief I feel
For words, like Nature, half reveal
And half conceal the Soul within”
I build pyres to your wake and cover my face in the soot
And, like a Fury, I will keep biting back until I spit up the blood that you bled into me
When I go into the Night, it won’t be silent
There should be intensity in tragedy, but I don’t feel at all
And this sapphire blue doesn’t conceal a hostile calm
Because people say we’re alike, but you proved them wrong
I was never a man for Russian courage
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LOTUS Antwerp, Belgium
“Chain punk for eggs” from Antwerp, Belgium.
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